Basic suggestions for resetting your relationship with a fractious canine :-)

-Get her working for you: Practice basic obedience and teach her some tricks. Teach SIT if she doesn't know it already. Then whenever she wants something, like her dinner or a walk, have her give you a behaviour like Sit first. Now she has bargaining chips, develops confidence in her ability to succeed, and can "say please' to request something!
Have her Sit before the food bowl is set down, or to be leashed for walks. She should sit, stand or lie down calmly to receive affection; if she's being hyper then ignore her. Reward her when she calms down some. "Capturing calm" -- giving rewards and attention when you catch the dog being calm -- creates calm dogs!

-Teach loose leash walking and walk her daily. Have her Sit and make eye contact to get permission to start the walk. Do not move forward if she is pulling, no exceptions. (Dogs do what works, and if dragging you around works, they will do it!)

-Claim your personal space. Don’t let the dog climb on you, bump you out of the way, crowd you at doorways, or demand attention. Dogs VERY much understand personal space, and it is often treated as a valuable resource! That's why they will "resource guard" a person or sleeping spot as well as food or toys. Here are (1) and (2) more links! When you want to cuddle, call her to you and pet her while she is being polite and calm (or as calm as she can be.)

-Ignore pushy behaviour. Practice being more aloof or independent, as if the dog isn't the most important thing in the world ;-) It's basic dog economics: scarcity increases value. You also want the dog watching YOU to know what's next, not to be pestering you to do things!

-Crate train. This is an important life skill! :-) Crate your dog when unattended. This teaches her to manage her excitement, gives her a calm break period, gives YOU some time off, and prevents a dog from rehearsing "bad" behaviours and making them into bad habits. If you can't crate, you can use an exercise pen, small fenced off area outside, or even a leash attached to the wall/closed in a door, to keep her calmly "off duty" in a smaller area for a while.

-If you are actively having problems, strongly consider removing access to furniture, especially the bed. If she gets up, take her off - using a leash or lifting the edge of the furniture to "tip" her off if necessary. She will quickly get used to the rule if you enforce it EVERY time. There's nothing wrong with well adjusted dogs on the bed (!) but it's important that they are otherwise mannerly and will get off if told to. A dog who growls when you bump him on the bed or sit beside him on the couch, does NOT need to be up there and you're setting yourself --or a child-- up for a bite.

-Schedule frequent breaks where there is NO pressure on the dog, and no opportunity for conflict. Give her a favored chew toy in the crate, try the Sit on the Dog exercise or the Long Down, teach Go To Place, etc. Sit on the Dog is easy and requires no prior training. :-)

-Reward her any time you see her doing something right, or even just chilling out! Don't act excited, just calmly praise or drop a treat between her paws or into her mouth. You don't want to have more friction than loving interactions with your dog. Relationships are like a bank account; pro-social friendly interactions add to the account, and negative interactions withdraw from it.

-Practice impulse control exercises.

-NEVER give a command you don’t enforce. Don’t punish her, just make sure the behaviour happens...and if you can’t, don’t ask for it in the first place. For example, don’t tell her to Come when she's loose outside, if you don’t know if she will Come.

-Gradually increase her privileges as they are earned/she can handle more responsibility... just as you would do with a young puppy!

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Dogs are happier, more relaxed and FAR better behaved when given lots of clear direction, frequent rewards for being on the right track, calm clear leadership, consistently enforced rules, and basic obedience training. For more advanced food for thought, here's a page on basic training concepts for higher maintenance dogs, and here's a link on creating a follower's mindset rather than wildly acting on their every impulse.


Bonus tip: if you've just had a conflict, such as a resource-guarding event, here is one potential example of how to smoothly recover from it.
Once the conflict has ended, put the dog on leash and do some "doggie push-ups": Sit, Down, Sit, Down, Sit, Down....Come over here....then a few more push ups. GOOD DOG! (give praise but no food reward) Take your dog to the crate or other "off duty" area. Wait a half hour or so, while you do other things about the house. Then, open the crate door slowly, closing it again if the dog attempts to charge out. (Susan Garrett's "Crate Games" is a great way to teach crate manners...) Wait until the dog stays calmly in the crate without trying to exit, then clip the leash on and invite her out. Go to the door, have her Sit, and open the door slowly -- practicing the "no bolting" rule that you just did in the crate! When she will stay Sitting beside the open door, invite her out for a loose-leash walk. Then return home and consider offering her a small meal or snack, *FED BY HAND*, for which she has to Sit, give paw, etc in exchange for the food. Allow her to eat without disturbance once the food is given! Then, back to the crate for a short while, so the lesson has time to take hold without distraction. If your dog is non-aggressive and this routine is safe for you, you will likely see immediate progress in her behaviour.


*Keep in mind that this is a rehab program for dogs who are wildly out of control, but whose owners aren't able to access a good dog trainer. Hiring an in-person trainer to walk you through things, is always going to be best! You want one with successful experience fixing the problems you are having with your dog, who can give references from people like you, to confirm their skills. :-) This may be very hard to find, or you may not be able to afford a trainer right now, so hopefully the steps above will help you.